


when a heart breaks, no it don't break even

by notthebigspoon



Category: American Idol RPF, Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-26
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-17 01:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You were the prom king."</p><p>"Jesus, leave it alone."</p><p>"Prom king goes pro, marries his pretty blonde high school sweetheart and has beautiful twin babies with devastating blue eyes."</p><p>"Tim, now is really really not the time."</p><p>Title taken from Breakeven by The Script.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when a heart breaks, no it don't break even

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Bailey, who got me started on this train of thought in the first place and giving me Phillip Phillips as a solution to the high school sweetheart problem.

"You were the prom king."

"Jesus, leave it alone."

"Prom king goes pro, marries his pretty blonde high school sweetheart and has beautiful twin babies with devastating blue eyes."

"Tim, now is really really not the time."

"This is fantastic. I didn't know people like you actually existed."

"Tim. Please."

"You're like a magical storybook prince."

"Tim-"

"You're so perfect it's disgusting. I hate you."

"Yeah? My real high school sweetheart? Hates me. Because I chose Kristen over him because that was safer. I don't really love her. She's a good friend but that's all she is. And now she hates me because I finally told her the fucking truth. I'm gay. Always have been. Just too much of a fucking coward to admit it and be open about it. My children are the only good fucking thing in my life. My life is nowhere near fucking perfect so FUCK OFF."

"Buster, I... I'm-"

"Fucking save it Lincecum. I'm done with this conversation."

***

Buster can't look at Phillip. Not that it would matter if he could because Phillip won't look at him. Like it so often happens recently, Buster kind of hates himself right now. And it's just made worse by the fact that people keep trying to push them together. He manages to avoid it until the last minute when they're literally shoved together. They collide, staring at each other, before being told to smile for the camera. Buster forces a smile as the camera's clicked and rushes off the moment he's released.

He stumbles to the clubhouse and shoves people out of the way in his scramble to get to the bathroom. The lunch that he'd enjoyed so much comes straight back up and he collapses into the floor, clenching his eyes shut. A hand brushes over his hair and he stifles a sob, shaking his head. He feels a body settle next to his own and an arm wrap around his shoulders. He takes in the scent of a cologne that has come to mean comfort and security.

“What's wrong kiddo?” Zito's voice is low, soothing. Buster curls into him, not caring that he looks like a kid right now.

“I know you heard me flip out at Tim earlier.”

“Yes. So did Bum.”

“Phillip...”

“Phillips is your high school sweetheart.” Zito finishes unnecessarily, kissing the top of Buster's head. “And you can't face him.”

“He hates me. And for good reason. I turned my back on him. Hid him. He wanted to come out and I dumped him. Kept Kristen around as a coverup and then...” Buster shakes his head, pressing his hand against his eyes. “Shit. I saw him, not long after we'd gotten married. The look on his face. He wouldn't talk to me. Last thing he ever said to me was 'go fuck yourself'. There was a lot of stuff before that part. It was all pretty bad.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Sort of. Just in that way where you'll always love your first love. Mostly I feel like shit when I see him. Makes me scared of trying to find someone. I'm okay with being gay. I am now. Fuck, I was planning on coming out anyway. The post just went up online, people are probably screaming already. But I'm afraid of finding someone new. I could screw it up.”

Zito grips Buster's chin, makes their eyes meet. He looks both amazed and and proud. “You came out today?”

“Seemed like the thing to do. Figured if I could be honest with my wife, I could be honest with everyone else. And before you go talking about my career... maybe I'll lose endorsements, not make as much money. But I won't have to be hide. I'll can be happy without being afraid. I don't give a shit what other people think. I'm tired of being unhappy.”

“I'm really proud of you Posey.”

Buster sighs and leans into Zito. He hears a throat being cleared, looks to see Javi Lopez standing over them with a smile on his face. His hand is outstretched and Buster takes it, lets Lopez pull him to his feet. He leans into the hug, wraps his arms around Lopez and clings tight because just like with Zito, there's something about Lopez that makes him feel safe. He pulls away, wipes his eyes and shakes his head with a laugh because he's crying but he's really not that scared.

They both promise Buster that they're behind him one hundred percent, they're not going to let him face this alone and they're not going to let anyone fuck with him. When they return to the locker room, he can tell that the post has been found because they're immediately assaulted by a wave of reporters. It occurs to him that maybe the start of the world series wasn't the best time to do this but he doesn't care. He's not afraid anymore.


End file.
